ANOTHER MONDAY MORNING
by Gordon Dioxide
Jeremy hated Monday mornings. Everything always seemed to go disastrously wrong, and this particular Monday was going to be even worse.
The first thing he did was climb out of bed, only to find that his bedroom floor had disappeared! So he went crashing down to the room below, which happened to be the kitchen. Luckily he landed on his chair, just as his mother was putting his Cinnamon Toast Crunch on the table. So he ate it up and set off for school. Unfortunately, he was still wearing his pyjamas.
Jeremy was 11 years old. He had no brothers, no sisters, no goldfish and no cats. He did have a very nice pair of socks though, which his mother knitted last Christmas. The good thing about socks is that you can take them anywhere, unlike pets. I mean, you couldn't take your goldfish to the cinema or your cat to the supermarket, could you? He called one of them Left Sock and the other one Right Sock, and kept them in his pocket because Left Sock didn't like the smell of his feet.
When he got to school he found that there wasn't a school, as it had been flattened by a wild bulldozer over the weekend. This was a typical Monday morning disaster for Jeremy, although it did mean that he wouldn't have to go to his French lesson today.
Just then, he saw Billy Muggins looking at where the school used to be. Billy Muggins was the only boy in his class with a moustache, and he was also still in his pyjamas. Before they had a chance to say hello to each other, they heard a quiet voice coming from somewhere.
"Help! Help!" said the voice.
The two boys found that it was an ant trapped under a pile of bricks, so they rescued him. The ant said his name was Anthony and he wanted to go home.
"Where is your home?" asked Jeremy.
"Australia." said Anthony.
"Australia! How did you get to England?" asked Jeremy.
"I walked of course. Ants can't drive you know." said Anthony rather sarcastically.
"I didn't know they could talk either." said Billy Muggins.
"Of course they can talk." said Anthony "Its just that humans are too stupid to hear them!"
Jeremy thought that Anthony was a liar. How could an ant walk from Australia to England? It would take a million years. And anyway, there's a lot of sea in the way.
"Are you a million years old?" asked Jeremy.
"Of course not, I'm four."
"Can you swim?" asked Jeremy.
"Errr ... yup"
"Swim in that puddle then." suggested Jeremy.
"Errr ... I can't ... I haven't got my swimming trunks."
Now Jeremy was sure that the ant was a liar.
All of a sudden, a thick fog came down from the sky. When it cleared, they found that they were in the Land of the Anteaters. Now if you are an ant, the Land of the Anteaters is one place you definitely don't want to be!
Three anteaters walked up to them. They were looking at Anthony and licking their lips. They hadn't eaten for many days and were extremely hungry. The leader was called Nick Nasty, and he lunged at Anthony with his long sticky tongue. Jeremy quickly picked up the ant, and hid him in his Left Sock in his left pocket. Billy Muggins pushed Nick Nasty away and told him to clear off.
Nick Nasty was a bully, but, like all bullies, he was also a coward, so he ran off with the other two anteaters following him.
The two boys were getting hungry now, so they decided to go and find something to eat. There are no shops in the Land of the Anteaters so they picked some apples from a pear tree. Anthony had a toffee that he found on the ground.
After walking for a couple of miles, they came across a large building with a sign that said "Ants Disco - all ants welcome".
"Great," said Anthony "lets go in and have a look."
"Why would there be an ants disco in a land where anteaters live? I hope its not a trap." said Jeremy.
They crept inside very nervously, and found themselves in a large darkened room where spooky music was playing.
SUDDENLY ... nothing happened!
And then, just as suddenly, something did happen!
The lights came on and they saw that they were surrounded by hundreds of anteaters, all staring at them. Nick Nasty stepped forward and said,
"Good ... lunch has arrived everybody."
Thankfully, Jeremy had hidden Anthony in his Left Sock again, and this caused Nick Nasty to be a bit confused.
"Where is the ant?" he boomed, in a loud angry voice.
"We ate him for lunch." said Billy Muggins.
"I don't believe you. Humans don't eat ants!" said Nick Nasty.
"We do" said Jeremy "he was delicious."
"Empty your pockets" demanded the nasty one.
They emptied their pockets and Nick Nasty told Jeremy to pass him the socks. Jeremy threw the Right Sock at him and it landed on his face, causing him to faint from the smell.
The other anteaters gathered round their nasty leader to see if he was okay, and Jeremy and Billy Muggins quickly escaped out of the front door. Anthony was still safely wrapped up in the Left Sock.
While they were running away from the building, another thick fog came down.
This time, when the fog cleared they were back at the school.
They walked back home and Jeremy's mother said "Did you have a nice day at school?"
"Ummm ... it was a bit different to usual" replied Jeremy.
"Oh that's nice" said mother, but she never found out what really happened.
Jeremy kept Anthony hidden in a matchbox by his bed, because his dad was scared of insects.
"It was quite an adventure," thought Jeremy "maybe Mondays aren't that bad after all."
Here are a few questions to see if you have been listening ...
What was Jeremy wearing when he went to school?